Why am I buying a bullet proof vest? Because I work a desk Job, duh.

Ok, so I talk about my work on here sorta kinda on a regular basis. Usually when I’m annoyed.

To be honest the job isn’t bad (gasp) I work with mostly friendly and helpful people. The hours are good and I always have weekends off.

But I have to say…there’s a lot of drama considering my job is a desk job, in an office building, full of computer geeks.

We had an outbreak of some sort of maybe-but-probably-not contagious disease. For the first day or so they couldn’t tell us what disease it was/who had it/ anything you’d actually want to know due to patient privacy. Fun stuff and half a dozen bottles of hand sanitizer later…

A bullet flying through a conference room window and bouncing around like a MoFo. Thank you, drunken moron who shot into the air for Fourth of July. It would’ve been totally cool if that bullet had struck someone dead. After all, you were just celebrating your country, right?

Having some ceiling fan die and the ensuing chaos seeming like an electric fire, horridly foul smells included.

And a fire drill. Which doesn’t seem so exciting until you’re standing at the stairwell door for 15 minutes while a “fire” consumes your building because you’re on the 11th floor and HELL NO you ain’t evacuating in a timely manner. What do you think this is? A security measure? Hah!

Any minute now I just know PETA extremists will come take us all hostage in a radical movement against hamburger consumption.