Better Safe than Sorry!

Know your field.For serious. That’s the trick. You know how everyone thinks furries are weird because they have freakish sex with freakish people dressed in freakish fuzzy costumes that give us horrific flashbacks to that time the mascot got a little too friendly? That’s because they are.But.My school didn’t actually have a mascot. not really. They were too concerned with supressing lesbian’s freedom of everything and bullying chronically ill students who honestly just don’t give a fuck that they missed another class of biology because they just had about 5 different tubes and needles stuck in their body for the past three days and FUck biology because my body is an asshole. And I blame you.

Anywho, there truly is an art to furriness. Picture this scenario,
You’re all cruising in you’re big poofy raccoon suit, feeling sassy with your new genuine racoon fur tail(because obviously, fuck peta, they just want to deny you happiness. They’re disgust has absolutely nothing to do with you’re recent ass raping of a pregnant cow, and were illogically angry when you pointed out that it shouldn’t really matter because the cows totally gonna be used for McDonald’s Big Macs. They’re just prudes) When some snappy mutha fuckah walks up to you in a pink dinosaur costume complete with pink glittery scales and goes…
Dino boy: DUUUUUDE your costume is so lame!
You (in this strange land where you dress as  racoon for booty): Why, kind sir, whatever do you mean?
Dino boy: Who the fuck would want to fuck a racoon?

and for a moment, instead of simply agreeing with the Dino-Pony as all sane individuals would do, you are honestly offended. And, having your Cooney Confidence reduced by a freakish hybrid of extinct doom, you ask…

You: Why?
Dino boy: Because they don’t have spit! getting a blowjob from a racoon would be like masturbating with sandpaper. Totally not worth all those rabies shots. thats why they always wash their food before eating. NO spit. DUH.

And this is when you prove that you are no ammature. you take this shit seriously.

You: ACTUALLY, scientists USED to belive that racoons washed their food  because they didn’t have enough saliva to moisten their food, but NOW  the presiding theory is actually that racoons wash their food to make it easier to press and squash it to be sure there are no dangerous bits or sharp bones in the food. What you are mistaking for a racoons inability to give decent head, is really just proof that racoons are survivalists who simply believe in the motto “better safe than sorry”

And now every time your mother tells you to be “better safe than sorry” you will inadvertantly picture a giant racoon giving a Dinosaur head.


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