My Embryo Ate Part of Her Embryo!

I would be the worst mother-to-be ever.  You know why? Because I have a bubble, and not just any bubble. A Spiky nuclear missile launching bubble fully equipped with radioactive shit-monkeys as a last defense kind of bubble. You see posts all the time about how annoying it is when you’re all preggers and people are all nosey and touchy and feely. Well, I say there’s an easier way. A way that might get you kicked out of places, even though only heartless bastards kick a pregnant lady out, but will possibly save your sanity.  This is how I see my possible future pregnancy going:
Annoying Human: “Wow, are you sure you’re not carrying twins?”
Me: “Twins? Is that some kind of a cruel joke? I’m not even pregnant you heartless monster! That’s my sister you’re poking at! HOW CAN YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE??? IT’S NOT MY FAULT MY EMBRYO ATE PART OF HER EMBRYO!”
Annoying  Human: “ Awe can I feel your belly?”
Me: “HELL NO! You could have Sars or swine flu or herpes! Don’t look at me like that, you could totally have herpes and just not be having an outbreak which woud mean you could still rub herpes on me and I don’t want herpes goo on my belly because that shit’s not sanitary! Besides, in the real world forcibly rubbing a stranger’s belly IS SEXUAL ASSAULT and I will SO shove my chubby swollen foot up your ass. I will do anything to protect my little Olga! PREGNANT WOMEN AGAINST BELLY ASSAULT UNITE!!!”
yea so lets just…not…go there. All right?
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: