Why I Married Him

Upon discovering that I was doing this blogging thing, my husband starting following my posts. This is how he tells me.

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How to Make an Impression.

Being recently married I tend to reflect back on when I was dating and wonder why certain people struck a chord with me and some fell flat. One of the main issues I can remember is the compliments.

Let’s face it. After a certian amount of time the same old compliments just get old. They feel scripted and unoriginal. They can be applied to just about any person the sayer runs across, and while it’s nice to have someone say “I think you’re pretty” it is’nt exactly the kind of prose to make them memorable, and memorable is important. Wouldn’t you remember someone if instead of saying “I like your necklace” they swaggered over and went

it would make an impression.

But compliments aren’t the only way to make an impression. At one point I was actively talking to 15 guys and lemme tell you, it gets hard to keep them straight. At least it is when all of them are about as original a piece of fluff. Now that it’s been a couple years I only remember the names of a few, and this is because they were different. Not always in a good way…but different none the less.

Epileptic Chicken Boy: He kissed like a rapid fire machine gun, pecking at my face like a chicken with uncontrollable epilepsy.  It was horrible. I remember him both for this, and because he once looked at me, completely unaware that what was about to fly out of his mouth would sound vaguely psychotic and said “I love your hip bones”

Fat-Phobic boy: We were sitting in a steak and shake and he looked at me and goes “I’m terrified of fat people. I always worry they will try to eat me.”

Isn’t-a-gentleman, but thinks he is: He walks up to the table, because he was late, and the first thing he says is ” I can tell you’re still young because you’re wearing blue nailpolish.” When I responded he laughed and said “Wow you sound like a baby” He genuinly believed this was suave and confidently told me he thought I would love our next date, without actually asking me if I wanted to go on another one.

Boy who made me feel smart for never dating him: He found out I was on a date with someone else and called to tell me he thought I was a succubus, and that he believed I would make the new guys penis turn gold, start glowing, and fall off.

Now, obviously I never had a second date with any of these guys, but they are memorable. Just on the wrong end of the spectrum. If guys can be so horribly original, maybe a few of you can learn to be wonderfully original??

Maybe??

Wait…Why is 69 Perverted?

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When Doves Cry

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Do Paperclips Get Boners?

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Just a Thought.

Before Civil Rights people were afriad of…

During the Suffrage movement people were afraid of…

Once we got over those hurdles parents were afraid of….

So much fear, aimed at all the wrong things. There’s always a taboo group. There’s always a weird kid. There’s always someone who doesn’t belong. By fearing all these things we create the one thing we should be afraid of.

Applies To ALL Situations

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