What Happened?

Recently my husband lost his job, and I’d be lying if I said this didn’t put a bit of strain on our relationship. That’s normal, I know, but I’m starting to feel like his unemployment is highlighting some major issues I willfully ignored before.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband, but I’m starting to feel like, in reality, I’m the only adult in the relationship. He’s never on top of things. He was approved for unemployment, but the check hasn’t come in yet and I have to remind him to call about it. I rewrote his resume because he’s been sending one out that he didn’t even bother to capitalize the correct letters in. I pay the bills, and most times I have to assign him chores to complete like he’s a kid. I understand not wanting to do the dishes, but when you’re unemployed and your wife is working full-time, and a part-time job on top, I feel I shouldn’t have to come home and ask him to help out. I feel it should be done.

This all seems to have come to a head for me because, as has become usual, I had to go to bed last night to get up for work this morning, and he didn’t lay down. He has been coming to bed later than me because obviously he sleeps in, but last night he didn’t come to bed at all. My alarm went off, and when I hit snooze and rolled over to lay on him I realized he still wasn’t there.

To be fair, his sister is at our house and I think he misses her, but at the same time I feel like a mature adult would go to bed before 7am when they have an interview that day. The interview isn’t until later, but he needs to shave (because he doesn’t despite me telling him it flat hurts when he kisses me and hasnt shaved in a week, meaning we don’t kiss much right now. Sorry, but I still take care of myself despite the marriage and when it leaves my mouth burning and irritated I don’t think its much to ask that you shave it) He needs to find an interview outfit and make sure it’s clean. He needs to find directions because he still hasn’t, and he promised he was going to pick up the house.

Not to mention, at this point, I get no financial support from him. Very little support in the household chores unless I ask (which makes me feel like a nag). The only support I have been receiving was emotional. He used to lay down with me, or at least come lay down shortfly after me due to the fact that I have hallucinations more actively at night, and wake up terrified on a regular basis. Perhaps due to stress, these night terrors have been getting worse, and lately I wake up terrifed three to four times a night, and most recently i’ve been finding myself alone when it happens. Despite me coming down to check on him, or calling, he does not come upstairs. He must realize I’m terrified. Most of the time I’m on the verge of crying, and I know I look hysterical. It doesn’t seem to matter.

On top of that I’m extremely resentful that I have to get up at 7am every day, no matter what, while he lays in bed till noon. Resentful because I can’t count on coming home to a clean house, or dinner started, despite him having been home all day. Resentful because he doesn’t seem to be putting in much effort at finding a job. Resentful because he isn’t really talking to me anymore.

We got into a fight in the car other day because he randomly let out that since losing his job “everything has gone to hell” This blind-sided me, since I’ve been doing my best to hold everything together. Since I’ve somehow found money for us to still go out, and enjoy a movie or a snack once in awhile. Since his version of everything going to hell is apparently him getting to stay home all day and relax while I go to work fighting panic attacks and sleep deprivation.

I’m becoming increasingly angry with him. I spent a whole day with just my mom, and normally when I do that I’m excited to go home and see him. I just wasn’t. Going home instantly brought my mood down,and thats not a good sign.

I’m completely overwhelmed right now, and starting to doubt my marriage. I don’t know what to do.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. nosleepandcrazy
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 21:33:48

    Oh my God, I am so sorry. This breaks my heart. I hope you talk to him and he actually listens.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: