Wake Up!

I aboslutely hate when random people walk by you while you’re at work, and decide they need to yell “wake up” at you because you happen to be yawning.

Why is this necessary? Was I nodding off during some infinitely important conversation you were directing at my direction? No?

Well, then is it because I’m driving a truck full of grade-schoolers destined to cure cancer if they could only make it to age 12? No?

Am I late for something? No?

Was it because I was actually asleep? No?

 Ok then, let me clear the air here and tell you that perhaps you should Fuck off. This is for numerous reasons and a logical conclusion to a situation in which you disrupt my work and peace of mind, whereas your command to  “wake up” is not only unfounded, but exceedingly grating on my nerves.

Secondly, you’re not original. I happen to be a girl who has night terrors on a regular basis, and mild insomnia that occurs mostly when I have to wake up at 7AM. I yawn a lot, as do most people who work full time and don’t have a maid to clean their house and cook their dinner and run their errands when they get home. Take a guess at how often someone I don’t even know thinks they’re clever and decides to pop off with “wake up” or some equally annoying/same meanning phrase.

Thirdly, if by chance my brain was in some form of non-literal sleep, and you jolt me in any way, YOU DON’T WANT ME TO WAKE UP.

Because it’s going to be to stab you.

Repeatedly.

With a chewed up #2 pencil, in all your squishy parts, of which there are probably many since the same people who think it’s clever to yell “wake up” in a quiet office setting are usually the same people who feel entitled to mock your salad while grubbing shamelessly on fried chicken, french fries, onion rings and a, in no way, single serving sized bag of chips + a large coke.

Also, you’re usually the type that need things to be drawn in thick crayon lines in order to understand. So, for your safety, I have created a useful pie chart or two  for your reference.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. normalfornorfolk
    Sep 11, 2012 @ 22:00:24

    A girl after my own heart! I hate it when people do that and you have totally given me an idea for a post! I will link to yours!

    Reply

  2. Trackback: Things I Can Just Do Without In The Office… « Normal for Norfolk
  3. mrphy42
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 11:12:11

    Reblogged this on Teh Geek Dump and commented:
    So this stole my thunder. I was about to write a post about how irritated I get at people when I yawn and they say “Don’t do that! Its contagious.” And now this much better blog post comes along. And I agree with every word of it. For the record, people who jump out and try to scare people deserve also any involuntary punch in the face they receive from their victims.

    Reply

  4. ekgo
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 15:36:03

    Hahaha! YES! YES!!!
    I don’t work with those types anymore (thank all that is thankable) but, man! I remember wondering how they survived life while being such idiots when I did work with them.
    I finally got one “Wake-UP!”er back by telling him that’s precisely what I was doing – yawning gets more oxygen to the brain, thereby making you feel more alert and wakeful. I wish I’d have known the term “asshat” back then because I would have called him that.

    Reply

    • psychofab
      Sep 12, 2012 @ 15:38:33

      asshat is indead a fantastic comeback, though it’s become so well known I fear it may lose it’s sting. Perhaps twatwaffle could replace it in a pinch?

      Reply

      • ekgo
        Sep 12, 2012 @ 15:47:46

        …hold on…
        I’m trying to figure out if the image of a twatwaffle is horrid enough to be offensive or just funny. Also, it’s making me question if I’m using my vaginal area correctly because it can’t make waffles. That I know of. I should ask, actually. That could be scary.
        Now I’m distracted.

      • psychofab
        Sep 12, 2012 @ 15:59:46

        If you suceed at making waffles I shall make you a “Firt Official Twatwaffle” Award. Just don’t try to plug it into a wall socket…

      • ekgo
        Sep 12, 2012 @ 16:05:44

        Ok, it’s a deal!
        And what are we going to do about syrup? I like to plan ahead.

  5. nosleepandcrazy
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 21:44:08

    Lol.. the blog was amazing and the comments were amazing, lol. Very amusing

    Reply

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