Next time I deliver your mail I shall crumple it, stomp on it, sweat on it, and THEN hand it to you.



So, as I’ve mentioned on Fridays I collect money in exchange for the magical Jeans sticker. Most of the time people are kind enough to hand me the money, usually in a relatively flattened out fashion. After all I am doing things besides sitting here making change.


But sometimes people are assholes.




And that’s when you get this. Two wadded up, suspiciously moist, dollar bills tossed onto my desk as though I am literally a $2 dollar whore.

First off, I probably wouldn’t hug most of these people for $2 dollars. I have issues with unnecessary physical contact from strangers/people I’d hide from if we ran into each other on the street.

Secondly, are we five today? (Oh no wait, that was the guy that played the Pull Away game last week).

Now, everyone is guilty of wadding up their money on occasion. I’ve done it. Mostly, when I was younger, during the days when $10 dollars made me feel like a filthy rich princess. But now, if money is oddly crinkled or folded, I will either try to straighten it out or at least apologize for the mess I’ve made of our country’s currency.

This person did neither of those things. This person plopped two dollars on my desk and walked away without eye contact, without actually taking a sticker, without any regard for how annoying and icky it is too handle moist dollar bills that have been god knows where.

I mean, for realz, why are they moist???!!! YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN SOME THINGS MISTER.

I’ve seen what strippers do with those things, and it’s only amusing when you don’t have to touch the dollar bill afterward.



3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. JohnnyNo
    Nov 05, 2012 @ 15:10:43

    When I took a break from college, I managed a gas/c-store for a few years.(yeah, i know) It was in a kinda bad neighborhood and people walked in all day for groceries and drinks. Lotsa beer!! Anyway you’d be amazed at the places people hide their money. Bras, socks, and worse! Sweaty, gross, disgusting crumpled bills! My revenge would be to sloooowly use hand sanitiser, and straighten out each bill before bagging their stuff and giving change. Sometimes people are just clueless assholes.


  2. nosleepandcrazy
    Nov 18, 2012 @ 05:00:46

    I used to carry my wallet every day in my back pocket with a chain attached, but in the summer time it would get moist from me sweating… Now I carry a purse. The end.


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