I’d Like to Thank the Academy and…actually fuck those guys. They keep giving me weird looks.

Oh goodness, it would appear I’ve been given an award. And my first ever.

I have to say, if I was going to have my award cherry popped it is only rightful it come from someone who in previous years may have been inclined to arrest me for disturbing the peace.

So, thank you to the dear http://normalfornorfolkblog.wordpress.com/

for the award. Now I must attempt to not have a panic attack due to the pressure of nominating other awesome bloggers while answering questions in a witty manner, and asking new original questions that will ease the level of stress on those I aim the spotlight on.

Because apparently winning nice things now involves following rules, which I have never been particularly skilled at. I once wore nail polish in grade school despite a strict policy against doing so.

Rebel without a cause. Sort of. Really I just ran out of nail polish remover.

RULES=

  • Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
  • Answer the questions the person giving the award has sent you.
  • Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to.
  • Choose 11 people to award and send them the link to your post. Go to their page and tell them.
  • No tag backs.

So, Please forgive if I fail horribly at whatever etiquette may be involved here, but first is the “about myself” bit.

1. I had surgery to remove my thyroid when I was younger. Ever since then, if I yawn for just a little bit too long, a sound that sounds rather like a duck with a bad case of strep will come out, entirely against my will.

2. Though people wouldn’t think it, I’m actually pretty religious. Blatant disregard for God/religion makes me very uncomfortable. People think I blatantly disregard God myself, but I don’t. I just don’t believe God’s as big of a prick as some people make him/her/it/ball of light out to be.

3. There’s two spots on my body which are so ticklish, that if you poke them at the same time my knees will buckle and I will fall to the ground flailing like a squirrel who just got clipped by a child’s battery powered hot rod. It is my most  guarded secret.

4. I have this weird OCD thing I do in my head, and when I was younger it got so bad that I was phasing out during most of the school day. I can control it now, but I still catch myself doing it sometimes. It goes like this: When someone speaks to me I pattern the words in my head in groups of two. If they don’t have an even number of words I first check and see if there are any contractions which can be split to create an even number. If there aren’t I will then mentally add punctuation. This is the short version of my OCD Mind Game’s rules. Trust me, you don’t want to read the long version.

5. I an absolutely terrified of the Ohio River. If I fell in I would instantly have a heart attack and drown, never to be seen again until 20 years from now when someone catches a mutant catfish, and discovers bits of my DNA in it’s belly. Other than this, I love all other bodies of water.

6. I literally do a small happy dance whenever someone new reads my blog. It’s uncontrollable, and I get many weird looks in the office.

7. I am viciously devoted to my mother and sister. I have chased down two boys in my young life for calling one fat, and pointing out that the other isn’t “technically” my full sister.  That is the most trouble I’ve ever been in at school, and the only time I honestly didn’t care.

8. I cried the first time I got a C in class.

9. I actually had a security blanket for the longest time. It had silk along the edges that I would obsessively ball into my fist and release, working my way around the entire perimeter. Lord knows how many times my grandmother stitched that stuff back on. I think I lost it in a hotel, and that’s why it’s gone. Either that, or my parents secretly threw it away and told me it had been lost, in fear that I’d become one of those weird kids like Linus from the Peanuts. Because only in a comic strip would children not cruelly mock you for that.

10. I used to hate being touched so much that if a friend snuck up and patted me on the back unexpectedly I’d actually punch at them on instinct.  I mostly have control over this now, but if I’m really upset and I ask you not to touch me, really, it’s for your own safety.

11. I cannot not eat red hots. If you give me 20 pounds of them I would most likely die of a cinnamon extract overdose because, seriously, no self control here.

Now to answer the questions posed to me which are:

  1. What is your favorite brand of toilet paper and why? I don’t think I have a favorite, but I do have a way of buying it. I basically know that the cheapest is going to feel like sandpaper, and the most expensive is too expensive. So I aim for the middle price and grab whatever is closest. This requires the minimum amount of effort and brain power from me, which is good, because my the time i reach the toilet paper aisle my brain is brimming with rage at the little old ladies who just are incapable of not standing directly in the middle of the aisle while they analyze which canned good is the best deal.
  2. Comfort or cost? Do you put saving a few pennies over anal nicks? Anal nicks sound highly unpleasant, and I’m fairly certain my toilet paper has never posed this threat, so I suppose comfort.
  3. Manners.  What is the rudest thing someone could ever do in front of you? All silliness aside, the rudest thing anyone has ever done in front of me was, after directly asking if I was a christian, pulling up their pants leg to reveal and upside-down cross tattoo ranging from their ankle to their knee. Solid black. I’m all for freedom of religion/or lack there-of, but I’m also all for doing your very best to respect other people.
  4. What is your most disgusting habit? I pop my husband’s pimples. I do, and he is very patient about this. You see, if it’s there it bothers me. I mean, i can see it. This is probably an OCD thing.
  5. Something about you that you haven’t yet admitted too. for example do you shave your toes? (except don’t put “I shave my toes” be original). But I do shave my toes. In fact, I mentioned this in the post https://psychofab.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/avoid-it-list-part-2-where-i-reveal-way-too-much-about-my-fathers-nuts/    But, I also shave my right foot in one spot. I have exactly one blond hair that grows there. I don’t know why. It’s the only hair on my entire foot, and a matching one does not grow on the left.
  6. A celebrity that you would quite happily punch in the face and why? I’m afraid I won’t be very witty here, as generally I have to know someone personally to want to punch them in the face. Maybe Chris Brown because he’s kind of a total douche, but nowadays I almost want to punch his fans more for just totally not giving a fuck that he’s a total douche. They are douche enablers.
  7. Have you ever got your own back on someone who has pissed you off? What did they do and how did you get your revenge? I probably have. Though I can’t think of a specific instance. When I’m truly angry at someone is when the sarcasm comes out, and it just drips from my mouth so thoroughly that you can almost see it splattering onto the unsuspecting face of whoever I’m aiming it at. This is one of those things I need to work on.
  8. Favorite curry? Dried curry from Thai Siam near where I live. Ah-mazing! But if you go there for lunch prepare for your mouth to light afire.
  9. Most treasured possession? My photos. I love old photos I have of my family. It’s my goal to line my entire stairwell with hanging photographs some day.
  10. What piece of technology can you really not live without? My phone, though not because I really talk to a ton of people. You see, I have this undying fear that someone I love will crash and die in fiery car-doom on their way to/from work or some other location. I obsessively make them (my sister, mother, husband, friends) text me when they reach home. I stress over this enough that if I don’t hear from someone I’m expecting a “I’m home” text from I will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone.
  11. Favorite TV show and why? I was a true Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan, the n I loved Nip Tuck until they crapped out on the end and made all the characters hate themselves. Now me and John watch Supernatural and Raising Hope obsessively. Well, as obsessively as we can seeing as we don’t have cable. COME ON NETFLIX! Don’t let me down now!!

Now for the Questions I pose to those I give this lovely award to:

1. What is a song lyric that you think best describes your life and why?

2. What is the worst tasting thing you have ever burped?

3. Why did you start blogging? Honestly.

4. What was the first moment you remember where you stopped and went, “wow, I’m just really not normal”?

5. If you had to pick a reality tv star to look up to, who would it be and why?

6. If you woke up one day to find a small purple pig tattoo’ed on you left pinky toe, what would you do?

7. If you had one day where you could say whatever you wanted to someone who has power over you, what would you say?

8. No matter how hard you struggle, everyone has something they think makes them a worth-while person. What’s yours?

9. Seasoned fries or plain?

10. What is something you admire about someone, that you would never be brave enough to do yourself?

11. I show up on your door step with my three cats and two months worth of dirty laundry needing a place to stay. All I have to offer is my uncanny ability to make salmon patties. Are we good?

And my nominations:

http://nosleepandcrazy.wordpress.com/:

http://www.booksofadam.com/

http://thisisnotthatblog.com/

http://cerebralmilkshake.wordpress.com/

http://shouldhavebutdidnt.wordpress.com/

http://lifeandotherhazards.blogspot.com/

http://girlintheheadlights.wordpress.com/

and it would appear most of the others are so awesome to already have it.

PLEASE forgive me, but may I reserve my other picks until a future date? I am discovering new blogs all the time. Also, forgive me for using full links as I am not tech savvy and don’t know how to link to something while making the visible words be just the name. If someone loves me a tiny little bit, perhaps they will tell me the secret?

Pretty please with french fries on the side?

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. JohhnyNo
    Nov 02, 2012 @ 15:03:47

    Congrats!!!

    And, now I’m thinking of ticklish spots.

    Reply

  2. jeneralinsanity
    Nov 05, 2012 @ 20:07:03

    OOH! OOH OH OOH! I know this one! i KNOW THIS ONE! PICK ME!! I totally know how to make your linky things turn into clicky things on your blog! I don’t know much, but I can explain that one.

    But first, let me tell you a really long story about the time that I got my nose hair stuck in the door of a matchbox car and I had to go to the hospital to get it surgically removed so that I can make you pee your pants with anticipation instead of getting to the point and just telling you how to make your links work because apparently I’m a 90 year old lady and I already forgot what I was talking about but I’m going to keep going because I REALLY love the use of ridiculous run-on sentences for absolutely no reason.

    Keep in mind that I know absolutely zero technical terms for any of this. Okay, now that I got that out of the way:
    1. When you’re writing your post and you want to add a clickable link – highlight the word(s) you want to turn into a link.
    2. Go to the top area of your “button box”
    3. To the right of the paragraph formatting buttons, and there’s a button that looks like a really tiny pair of cockeyed glasses. That’s the link button. You can only click said button when you have something in your post highlighted. (next to that button is one that looks like a Mardi Gras mask doing magic. That one is to break/remove the link.)
    4. A magical and all knowing box will appear. It will ask you for the URL. That’s where the linky link goes. If you copy/paste links, make sure you delete the automatic “http://” they have in this box. You don’t need it twice. Yes, I did that the first time. (You can also link to past posts. There’s a toggley thing that says “Or link to existing content”. These are your posts.)
    5. Magic box will also ask for a title. You don’t HAVE to fill this out. Whatever you type here will pop up when someone hovers on the link.
    6. There’s a box under that you can check to make the link open in a new tab. This is a handy tool to use when you know that the link will get someone lost in space because you’ve linked your post to something fanfuckingtabulous. It happens a lot.
    7. Click “Add Link” and it should turn blue, or purple, or whatever color you have your links set up to turn.
    8. TA-DA! Using these tips, you can now highlight any phrase, such as: “crumpet hoarding muffin monger”, and have it link to pictures of zombie kittens battling the Lochness Monster. Or something to do with muffins. Up to you, really. But if you DID have that picture? I think it would be a crime not to share it…
    9. Your questions and answers are flipping awesome and you now have a new stalker. I also do a happy dance when I get new readers. Especially ones that don’t get scared away…

    Reply

    • psychofab
      Nov 06, 2012 @ 09:06:51

      See, I was halfway there, just backwards. I tried to highlight the link, and then use the box that pops up when you click on the askew glasses to name it. So close. Thank you!

      Reply

  3. nosleepandcrazy
    Nov 12, 2012 @ 11:05:41

    I know where one of those ticklish spots are, I have sent you to the floor a few times my dear…. But fear not, your secret is safe with me.

    Reply

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