Yes, you really CAN get crabs from a bar of soap.

My Thanksgiving was pretty awesome to tell the truth. This post is coming after a non-Thanksgiving post because, dude, I was in a bad mood ten minutes ago, but now I’m fine.

Go figure.

I even wrote a legit post right after complaining about not being creative. You don’t get to see that one yet because I am the commander of all things bloggy. At least when it’s my blog.

I think that’s reasonable…

Anywho. Thanksgiving! As per usual something went wrong with the turkey. At least they said something went wrong with the turkey. To be honest the pieces I got seemed quite tasty and accurately cooked. It did not gobble at me or look at me with sad longing eyes that you barely notice because you’re too busy looking at that gizzard thing dangling in the air all scrotum like.

Seriously, it looks like an inflamed scrotum.


And boy does it get worse when they are cooked.

Why oh why has happiness forsaken me!

I didn’t hear anyone whine about the one bathroom situation and for the most part everyone seemed pretty much in Holiday spirits. There was the usual cousin who was ever so diligent in continuing her holiday tradition of not actually socializing with the rest of us and the toddler who seemed intent to dive off the spiral staircase head first and with much joy, but over all a lovely night.

After the main horde had left for the night, the family that was left moved out into the yard beside a lovely fire pit filled with chemicals that make the fire burn pretty colors. It sounds unhealthy, and one day we may grow an extra pinky as sacrifice to those pretty colors.


But they were pretty.

As we sat about the fire we discussed what we were thankful for…family, friends, food, porn…

and my aunt had a few glasses of wine. Now, I must point out that she is one of those people who needs about a thimble of alcohol to be pleasantly tipsy. Somewhere along the line she had discovered a bottle of sweet red wine and had indulged. She was not sloppy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her sloppy, but she was amusing and far less censored than normal.

See, she really really wanted my cousin to sing a song around our toxically beautiful fire. And during this time frame it was decided that she needed to encourage our singing with a couple verses from “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”

This went well…until she got to the “Wimeweh” party. At which point she broke into giggles, pointing at the men going:

“YOU have a wimeweh and YOU have a wimeweh but WE…we don’t have wimewehs”

And then she announced she’d once had crabs.

It was an awesome night.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Keyla
    Nov 26, 2012 @ 13:54:21

    Our thanksgiving was similar to yours (well except for the unfortunate crabs thing)… we had a pig roast and of course the guys put it in the ground before all the rocks were splitingly-hot so the pig was in for the right amount of time, just not at the right temperature, so parts of it was not fully cooked. When I arrived to the farm they had the half-cooked full pig (head, hooves & all things in between) on a table by the fire… where I saw two dogs who thought they were in piggy heaven chowing down on one end of the pig that didn’t quite fit the table it was on… I did not indulge in any pork products that night, I opted for the many many other dishes that were available. Our firepit conversation went from discussing the kids, and then to how we all lost our virginity… yup, I learned even how my own mother got there… not enough therapy in the world some days 😉


    • psychofab
      Nov 27, 2012 @ 08:15:09

      I agree! Now that my grandparents are getting older, they like to share too lol Middle of Red Lobster and she’s talking about blowjobs like it ain’t no thing…


  2. normalfornorfolkblog
    Nov 27, 2012 @ 06:11:12

    In the age of the Brazilian wax, do pubic crabs still exist? or are the extinct? hmm, sounds like one for wikipedia.


    • psychofab
      Nov 27, 2012 @ 08:16:15

      That would be how I verified her crabs story. She just popped out with it in the happiest voice lol Then her husband made a very interesting face. I’m assuming at this point he was unaware of her crabby history.


  3. nosleepandcrazy
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 05:31:52

    I can’t has no crabs, they have nothing to cling to on my anime lookin vag.


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