If this is about you, you will totally know.

This is a rant in which I reveal  I am old and that’s all there is too it. I’m only 22 (almost 23) and I’m about to write a post complaining about my generation.

I know…I know…I should at least wait till I’m like 30, or have popped something out of my uterus to reveal my rapidly aging brain, but I just  can’t. So here it goes…

I’m one of few in my friends group who

A. has their own place and…

B. has their own place that isn’t an apartment where neighbors can yell at you for being too loud.

Therefore I have a few parties. I like parties. I’m a pretty social person, and usually (note the USUALLY) the fun I have is worth the mess I clean up, but man some people just piss me off.

First off, there’s two separate groups I invite out. One I refer to as the Bardstown crew (plus my sister). The other is the shelbyville crew. Hint: my sister doesn’t come out to the shelbyville crew parties very often for a reason, guys.

See, I named them according to their respective locations. Cuz I’m organized like that.

Now, I invite  one group out more often than the other. The most often group always stays by and helps clean. ALWAYS. sometimes they even clean before I wake up in the morning. I like this group. I feel they respect my home and therefore I’m not hesitant in inviting them over. Even though to outsiders they probably look like the group that would explode my living room, they aren’t.

This brings me to the other group, whom I had out more recently.  I will write a disclaimer that this post does not apply to every single member of this group, but the bad are rapidly outnumbering the good. First off, these people are incapable of going anywhere without inviting an entire “posse” to go with them. This bugs me, as members of their “posse” seem to have an issue respecting that I don’t want a bunch of underage biotches in my home. they say they respect this, yet EVERY SINGLE TIME they casually manage to bring up that So and So is dating this chick…and they actually make me ask how old the chick is before they go…oh shes 18, 16, 3.


“But their parents don’t mind as long as they’re together”


“There’s three of them”

At this point I should probly just say fuck you, but I don’t. I just say no and move on. Like I said, some of these people I like.

To anyone who may be reading this and going ” huh…I think this is about me.” It probably is. And for future reference, if they are under 21 the answer is no. It just is. I’m sorry you think this is uptight or unreasonable, except that I’m not sorry because it isn’t.

Then the party starts and everyone is super late. They all planned to meet for dinner at 9:30 even though this was apparently an impossible time for all but two. ( why not just state a later time?) Whatever, except that meant I was expecting people around 11:00, 11:30, when in reality they showed up at 1:30.

Again, whatever. They would’ve been at my house at 1:30 either way. But here’s the thing, I live in a neighborhood. The kind where houses are relatively close to one-another. So what do I discover at 3am?

A group of six people standing, inexplicably, in my driveway. About 5 feet from the neighbor children’s window.

I come outside and inform them that my neighbors have kids and they need to come inside.

“Don’t worry. We’re being respectful.”

Excuse me, but no you fucking aren’t. I have a whole house. A WHOLE HOUSE, in which you can mingle and smoke your cigarettes that I found all over my dining room floor, and yet you’re in my driveway. You can see that there’s a house there. I mean, it’s right there. And if I come out and say hey, it’s 3AM come inside, doing anything BUT COMING THE FUCK INSIDE is being disrespectful. Of both me and my neighbors who so kindly have never fucked with me over my parties. They could fuck with me. They really could. I have a loud radio and this isn’t the first time I’ve had to fish people out of my yard at ungodly hours. But they don’t.

Also, telling me to respect your friends when they just mocked one of my friends, whom i actually invited, does not make me like you. I am aware his one contact looked a little weird (I’m pretty sure that was the point of it)  but he likes that fucking contact and sometimes I think your face looks weird.

Oh yeah, I just went there.

And by the way, that guy? The one who blatantly threw his beer caps all over my floor instead of walking five feet to the trash can. If I see him again I will shove that bottle up his ass. And I hope it breaks all up in there.

I work HARD on my damn house. I sweep and scrub and paint and I pay FUCKING BILLS OF WHICH YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO COMPREHENSION. And one of you assholes just tosses your trash onto my floor? Be glad someone I happened to like was standing between us, sir.

Now you may say it was an accident. Except no, it wasn’t. I did witness a couple people accidentally drop their beer lids. This happens. Accidents happen. Someone got shoved through my wall ON ACCIDENT and therefore I hate him with much less passion than I now hate you, person who intentionally treated my house like a trash bin. I’m not talking about the ones who accidentally dropped or spilled things, who by the way I also saw picking up said beer tops, I’m talking about the one who is the reason I’m still finding them skittering across the floor in the wee hours of the morning because my kitten thinks it’s a new oddly smelling toy.

By the way, one of you promised to help clean. Liar.

By the way times 1,000. I may have wrote a sarcastic post about this on fb that made it sound more comedic than threatening, but I love my fucking cats and when I tell everyone to stop leaving the fucking door open and stop going outside to stand randomly on my stoop because the cats will get out, and then one cat goes missing and I eventually find him crying hidden under a box lid, I honestly just want to set your motherfucking disrespectful head ON FIRE.


In conclusion. A lot of you suck, dudes. And I probably won’t invite some of you out for a very long time. If ever.

Except that one guy who was the ONLY one to realize I was joking. He kinda grew on me.






2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Gorilla Bananas
    Dec 04, 2012 @ 17:06:25

    Hah! Having your own place at the age of 22 makes you part of the older generation. Next time you’ll know not to invite the loafers and yahoos.


    • psychofab
      Dec 05, 2012 @ 11:03:58

      Yes. Next time…lol I guess I got fast tracked into adulthood since I moved into my first apartment as soon as i graduated highschool. Having my own space has always been a thing with me.


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