Godzilla does NOT eat zombies. Adjust your plans accordingly.

eh

This is my zombie slaying outfit.

I think nowadays anyone under the age of 50 probably has a zombie apocalypse plan.

A fool proof way to kick ass and take abandoned weaponry without becoming one of the undead.

Mine will probably get me killed.

To me, life just won’t be worth it if I’m rambling about alone, mourning the loss of everyone I cared about, so I will probably be that annoying character in the movies who insists on going to find their family despite everyone else in the group knowing that, duh, they’re probably dead. And here’s the thing…

I’m not too worried about my father in this instance. At least not initially, as he lives in a much more remote location than I, by the water, with access to a bazillion boats and quite a few guns. He even has his own gas tanks on the property. If all else fails he could probably survive off candy bars and icecream for awhile.

I figure he has a couple days before imminent death comes shambling upon broken ankles to his door step looking for nommage. That’s plenty of time for me to call him and go “Dude, zombies are totally a thing now. Kindly don’t die and prepare for our arrival”

But my mom?

Yeah…she works in an ER.

As in, exactly where every wounded person is going to go before everyone figures out that HOLY CRAP THE DEAD ARE COMING BACK TO LIFE AND EATING PEOPLE’S FACES!!!!

The odds of her not being at the ER do not please me. The odds of me not going to the danger zone to drag her but home/to the marina are not odds at all, but a mere mockery of reality. I’m going to that fucking hospital.

Or anywhere else she might be.

I don’t own zombie killing weapons. My machete has conveniently become lost somewhere. I haven’t shot a gun in about….we’ll go with 10 years.

But I’m going to that fucking hospital.

So here’s wishing me luck that, if the zombie apocalypse breaks out, it happens  not near my mother’s ER. Here’s wishing me luck that when I show up screaming about dead people and demanding she get her butt in the car that she doesn’t stab me in the arm with a sedative and go inside to stitch up that gnarly looking bite wound in room three.

And here’s wishing me luck that my little Ford Focus can run over as many dead people as is required for me to successfully get to her. And that I have recently filled my gas tank so we can all take the long way to the marina, where we shall perhaps camp out on the water, eyeing the shores wearily and eating way too many Snickers candy bars.

I haven’t quite formulated a full plan for what happens after  I have found her, preferably in living breathing condition, but I’ll let you know when I do. Until then, I think I need to go to Walmart to buy a bat…and a couple new machetes.

What’s your zombie apocalypse plan?

P.S. If it’s Godzilla, you’re out of luck.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Valerie
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 10:37:33

    My zombie apocalypse plan is quite extensive… But I will tell you this, I do have a list of people I’m going after to save. And the people on the list know where to hide and stay put until I come get them.

    We’re gonna rock the Z.A. out!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Reply

  2. nosleepandcrazy
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 06:33:25

    Humph…. What about me? No saving plan for me? I am fat and I have asthma…. I shall needs you. Besides, Chris took ALL the weapons except a throwing star… not sure if you are getting the picture of me defending myself with one throwing star against the human race trying to eat my fat ass… but in my mind, it doesn’t look good. I am fluffy you know, they will want me like no man ever has

    Reply

    • psychofab
      Dec 10, 2012 @ 12:21:41

      I would suggest you don’t wait for me to get you, and simply head for the marina, seeing as I only haz a dagger. And those don’t really go in and out of a human skull quite as easy as Walking Dead makes it appear. We both need zombie killing bats.

      Reply

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