Google “Pissed Chick” to view adorably angry chickadees.

There are certain kinds of people you will always run into while working in an office setting. While, outside of work, I am sure all of these individuals are well-rounded human beings who have hopes and dreams just like anyone under 8 who hasn’t discovered Santa is a fraud….

Actually I’m pretty sure they’re exactly what they appear to be. Since many people work in offices and deal with similar crap, I thought I’d share a few of the  most prevalent annoying coworkers that can be found at my job.

1. The Coffee Tweaker.

Characteristics: This chick, and it generally is a chick, has more caffeine in her veins than blood.  More coffee grounds in her teeth than enamel. More insanity than I care to deal with at 8am. She’s the reason every energy drink on the planet has to have that warning on them about too much caffeine consumption causing heart palpitations. And she generally looks like this…

Woops. Sometimes Google Image Search fails...

Woops. Sometimes Google Image Search fails…

That's better..

That’s better…

This woman would trade her soul, toenails, and left ovary for a cup of coffee, but it’s never made to her satisfaction. It’s too cold, too strong, too weak, too not Starbucks. She also never refills the pot when it’s empty.

2. The guy who’s so above all this.

Characteristics: This guy is making more money than people like me are brave enough to dream about. His salary is the reason I’m trying to find out how the hell to keep paying for college, and he thinks this is all so beneath him. Meetings are a stupid waste of time because he, unlike everyone else, knows what he is doing. He likes to make offhanded comments about how pointless your job is, yet you never actually see him working. This person can occasionally comes in the form of a woman, and in my case wears a Sponge Bob Lanyard around his neck at all times.

I am unaware I'm a caricature of myself.

I am unaware I’m a caricature of myself.

3. The Woman who wears an inconceivable amount of accessories.

Characteristics: This lady dresses every day like she expects the paparazzi to suddenly appear at lunch time for a photo shoot. She fancies herself a fashionista, and while you must admire the effort, almost every other woman in the office gives her eye daggers when she arrives. Don’t be surprised if this woman wears more makeup on her face each day, than you’ve owned in a lifetime.

I'm ready for my close up...I mean meeting.

I’m ready for my close up…I mean meeting.

4. The woman who thinks everything is her damn business.

Characteristics: This woman wants to know everything about everybody and thinks she has the right to share her opinion loudly. If there’s a box on someone’s desk she wants to know what’s in it. If you’re texting she tries to see the screen. If she doesn’t like your shirt she tells you. And no, it doesn’t matter that her sweatpants/sweater combo isn’t exactly high fashion. And don’t think lunch will give you an escape. No, this woman will judge you for what you’re eating. Mocking your salad while she eats fried chicken and complains about gaining weight. If she’s skinny she will tell you just how many calories are actually in that bag of chips, and has the nerve to go “Well, it’s your decision” when you ignore her ass and chow down.

What? I'm just admiring your texting skills. Who's Bob?

What? I’m just admiring your texting skills. Who’s Bob?

What’s the worst type of coworker you deal with?


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Seasweetie
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 12:40:32

    I have all of these. And I have the Boundary-less Woman who will eat your food without asking, write on your papers, and insist YOU eat a bite of the cookie that she has just bitten into and pronounced “disgusting.” Seriously.


  2. normalfornorfolkblog
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 15:09:17

    Number 1 works in the office down the corridor from me. She also chain smokes, thinks she is irrisistable to men and picks her acne in the morning meeting.


  3. Valerie
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 19:47:51

    I have every single one of these fools in my office!!

    I hate them all…




  4. nosleepandcrazy
    Dec 12, 2012 @ 02:41:06

    This does not encourage me to dream of an office with a view


  5. foodies
    Dec 20, 2012 @ 12:58:51

    Very great post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing in your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!


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