It’s called the Shameful Drunk ship and it’s a shitty ship

Me and a friend were talking about moments in our life when we did something entirely stupid because we were emotional and drunk.

Damn that’s a bad combination.

Now usually I don’t drink when I’m emotional, but sometimes shit happens to MAKE you emotional while you’re drunk. And there’s the danger.  I recently had this happen to me. It was like the perfect storm of things to make me go off my rocker. And i mean i went off my rocker. I won’t go into detail because somehow I feel like I shouldn’t, so this won’t be a juicy gossip post, but more of a lamenting the past post.

So here’s how it starts:

Mix 2 parts drunk with 1 part betrayal. Stir in a little misunderstanding and unwanted physical contact. Top with Delicious tears and humiliation.

BOOM: insane drunken Abby in situations that cannot be undone.

I suppose it happens to everyone in varying degrees, but I have to say, it’s been a long time since I’ve actually been embarrassed by my own behavior.  It’s a feeling I don’t much like. It’s also a feeling that haunts you for days. I’m not sure if it’ll extend to weeks yet because it hasn’t been weeks. But I wouldn’t be surprised.

Here I am just walking around and BOOM, resurgence of embarrassment. I’m talking about this rather casually, but I assure you I was a damn wreck for a bit afterwards.

I am not the angry screaming fist flying person. But apparently the right mix of alcohol and touchy subjects can temporarily morph me into one. I did not know this. I am disturbed by this.

I’m also now vaguely terrified of screwdrivers, despite their tastiness.

I’m ALSO making jokes to mask the fact that I’m still totally horrified by what went down. 

And there’s not much I can do about it. I did send a short message apologizing, but didn’t say much. I got no response so I left it at that.

It has been suggested I should chase this person down for a more elaborate apology, but first off…I don’t think it would do any good. If this person wants me to leave them alone then I should. Chasing them down to apologize, if they don’t want to hear it, is doing something more for myself than them.

Oh is hindsight 20/20

I should’ve gone home when I got lost.

I should’ve turned on my heel and walked away when I found out.

I should’ve stayed down in the car despite the  implication that I was ruining the party by refusing to go inside because I could’ve sobered up and left before i got too drunk and things got too ugly. I knew I was too emotional, why didn’t I listen to that inner voice?

I should’ve walked out of the garage instead of going upstairs for my stuff.

I should’ve just dropped the keys when they asked for them, even if all I was trying to do was lay down and sleep my drunk off.

I should’ve closed my eyes and counted to 5,000 or whatever number it would’ve taken for me to calm down.

Should’ve Could’ve ANYTHING BUT WHAT HAPPENED.

There’s about a million things I could say. I acted badly, I’m sorry, I WAS REALLY DRUNK. but it just doesn’t matter. And it all sucks boogers.

I have a relatively new friend who knows how this feels. She got super drunk at a party where people she was upset with were present. She also morphed into a flaming bitch. She hated EVERYONE. Except me.

She called people ugly and assholes. She viciously attacked any male to enter her line of vision.

And she’s really not like that. She’s actually a really nice girl. She says it’s her fault because she must’ve infected me with the crazy germs before the party. This could totally be true, but it still sucks.

Damn can shit get out of hand.

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