As soon as I can breathe…

I’m having one of those days where everything seems overwhelming. I have to find a new job, hubby’s car is screwing up, I need to pay off my school debt, I need to find a way to pay to get back into school. I need to need to need to….

I need to just lay down and not move for a very long time.

I guess I’m stuck in a rut here. I see the future, penny pinching and struggling, looming ahead and I’m looking around trying to figure out how the hell to avoid it.  And the only option I see is:

Debt… taking out student loans and scrambling to afford school books.

No sleep….studying up late at night and squeezing in time for homework.

Stress…wondering if I’ve chosen the right path. Will I be good at what I’m trying to do or will I fail epically?

Months of unending depression because that’s what school does to me. Every time. Something about bending to the will of people who don’t even know my name. Shelling out money without the guarantee of a degree actually doing anything. Being in a classroom alone, with no one to talk to or laugh with, when I could be home eating dinner with my husband or our to lunch with my Mom. Being somewhere that I know no one cares about me. Spending hours being lectured by someone who just thinks I’m that weird person in the back corner, instead of being with people who pull me out of depression.

But I have to do this. I have to suck it up and get back in there. I don’t want to live my life constrained to a couple hundred dollars a week.

All I know is I need to get moving. So I’m going to… as soon as I can breathe again.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. jeneralinsanity
    Dec 26, 2012 @ 11:10:25

    I wish you and I lived near each other. I felt like every word of this post came right out of my head. (by the way, are you warm enough in there? I can bring you some cocoa if you like…) I need to go back to school, LIKE NOW, too. Hopefully, they’ll let me defer my old loans to get new ones. And hopefully I can figure out what the hell I want to be when I grow up. It’s so scary! The future… school… life… WTF?!? My mom never told me I’d have to be responsible one day! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!!!

    Reply

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