This is my Anti-Anti New Years rant.
I’ve seen so many posts today, browsing through my Reader talking about the hypocrisy of New Years. How it’s not a real holiday, how it’s stupid, and how people don’t like it and resolutions are pointless.
I’m about to be mean, but…
Get the fuck over it.
Do you know what makes a Holiday a Holiday? It’s you…getting over your pessimistic bullshit long enough to do something fun, looking around and going…
“I get a day off for this. Cool beans.”
“I have a legal excuse to suck down one too many wine coolers. Awesome.”
Yeah, everyone talks about change when it comes to New Years. They make resolutions…and yes, often times they don’t keep them. That’s on them. Why are you letting it get you down?
You know what I say? Fuck it. At least they are optimistic enough to try. You? You’re sitting there going…
“I’m not making one because I know I won’t keep it.”
“New Years is stupid because nothing really changes.”
Uh…hello? Have you ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? Or how about the term “Debbie Downer” or the phrase “DAMN you’re being a bitch about a holiday that is nothing more than an excuse to get down and have some fun with yourself.”
That’s what it is, you know. It’s a day where you can either look around and go…
Hell yeah I survived another year. Let’s drink wine and humiliate ourselves with Karaoke!
Or you can whine about how nothing ever really changes, while make excuses to ignore a holiday that demands you try it.
You know what? I’m making a dozen resolutions, damnit. AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME.
I’m going to do my laundry by the end of the week. BAM.
I’m going to watch what I eat and maybe lose ten pounds. BAM.
I’m going to give my cat that smells like ass a bath. BAM.
I’m going to go the fuck home today and revel in the fact that I have a home to go to. BAM MOTHERFUCKERS.
Why are you so down? Because trying something and maybe failing at it is fucking terrifying, and instead of admitting that, and downing a cocktail with your merrily drunk fam/friends/coworkers/cat (just kidding, don’t get your cat drunk) on a day full of glitter and a big ass shiny disco ball…
you’re being a fucking New Years Scrooge. AND I REFUSE TO LET YOU FUCK ME UP.
Knock it off.
You’re ruining it for those of us that just want to have some fun. You know what I did for New Years?
I went to my parents house and drank wine and rattlesnakes. We danced, sang bad karaoke, and discovered we really don’t know that song from when we were five that we totally loved as well as we thought we did.
When the ball dropped we cheered, because we could. We hugged, because we could. We celebrated, because we are fucking alive, dude.
And we all made the decision to give that “fun” thing a go, even though some of us had to work the next day. Even though I may not lose the ten pounds I’ve made a resolution to work on. Even though, yea…all those things that bug me today are still going to bug me tomorrow. But Jesus, people.
If you look at life the way you look at New Years…you’re right. Nothing will ever get better. Nothing will ever change. I’m sorry to be so damn Pep Rally here, but life really is what you make it sometimes. Not all the time.
Sometimes life sucks big. fat. sweaty. nasty. lint covered BALLS. But if you can’t push that aside for one fucking day? Jesus you’re asking for it to always suck those balls.
You’re on your damn knees, mouth opened wide and waiting, wondering why your life tastes of sweat and stale piss.
And that’s just damn stupid.
Happy New Years. Whether you like it or not.