Never Google Parasitic Brain Worms

Most of the time, despite our best efforts, I am about 99% certain that the things that fly out of adult’s mouths and into children’s ears are scarring the shit out of their psyche.
Recently, I went outside with a boy I care for and his brother. The idea was to rip their tiny little faces away from all technological screens for a few minutes and instill a deep and persistent love of nature.

This is difficult enough to do, for a girl who hates all insects and has legit PTSD when faced with the distinct sound of buzzing flies, for legitimate and understandable reasons, without this sort of thing happening….

Me: hey, why don’t I get you both some shovels so we can dig in the garden?

boy: I don’t want to.

Me: Why? You love digging.

boy: I don’t want the parasites to get me.

side note: this kid is under 10 years old.

Me: …..the parasites?

boy: Yeah. I heard about them. they’re parasites.

Me: I’m sure there aren’t any parasites in your garden.

boy: NO! They’re WORMS. But they’re also parasites. And there’s all sorts of them in dirt.

Me: ….

boy: and these parasitic worms, they get into your BRAIN!

Me: Your brain?

boy: Yeah. They’re parasitic brain worms.

Me: Why would they want into your brain?

boy: I don’t know. To do parasite stuff.


Needless to say, we did not dig in the dirt that day. Seriously, what the hell kind of person tells a kid about parasitic brain worms? And while I was contemplating that exact question, which totally needs to be answered, guess what I did.

I Googled parasitic brain worms. Not only do they totally exist, and can be contracted through contaminated dirt and water,  eating poorly washed vegetables/fruits and under cooked pork, and freakin sex acts, but also.

Never Google parasitic brain worms.


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