Life Changes

I haven’t posted in a very long time. I guess you could say life has a way of diverting your attention from anything that isn’t necessary, needed, or integral to your own survival. A lot of things have changed this past year. Some good, some bad. None of it really matters because today I have one thing on my mind. One thing always on my mind, running in the background.

My dad has cancer. 

To be specific, my dad has metastatic prostate cancer. For those blessed with only a minimal knowledge of cancer and the terms that go along with it, metastatic means that it’s aggressive. 

That it’s already spread.

It’s in his lymph nodes.

Metastatic means his odds of it never coming back are nonexistent.

That the six fucking months it took his doctors to stop rescheduling his fucking appointments, and actually do the tests and schedule surgery, very well may have made the difference in him surviving this or not.

It means that from now until whenever his eternity ends, will be measured in three month increments. Because that’s how long he goes between blood work to tell if the cancer is resurfacing. 

I’m scared. I love my father. I’m not ready for him to go.

So far we are six months out from surgery. Two, three month increments, which have declared him to be “safe” for now. 

But we all know. And it’s always there, in the background. 

How long before cancer takes my dad away?

How many three month increments do we get?