For Lucy

For my creative writing course I’ve been challenged to write an 8 line poem using only one syllable words. If you’ve ready very much of my stuff you’ll know why this is tragic for me lol.

I tend to be multi-syllabic and long winded. Overly descriptive. But I did my best.

The prompt he gave us, before telling us what we’d be using it for, was to write a matter of fact description of an event that is impossible. I wrote mine about going to brush my teeth in the morning, hearing a strange noise, and turning to notice my pug, Lucy, floating outside, licking the bathroom window pane.

To my Lucy

Pug so high in the sky.

Held in the wind.

How did you get there?

My pug in the sky.

 

Up where you should not be,

A grin from ear to ear.

Your nose print on the glass

Makes me laugh.

 

20 Facts

Inspired by Nick Flynn’s “Thirteen Random Facts”

  1. In most of my college courses, my grades have been lowered due to unexplained absences.
  2. Suicide was the known cause of death for 42,773 people in 2014 for the United States alone.
  3. The definition of suicidal ideation is “Thinking about, considering, or planning suicide”.
  4. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
  5. There are two main forms of Bipolar Disorder: Bipolar I and Bipolar II.
  6. Cymbalta is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. It is an antidepressant. They openly admit they do not know how it works.
  7. Cymbalta’s common side effects are as follows: constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue, hypersomnia, insomnia, nausea, sedation, weakness, headache, xerostomia, agitation, erectile dysfunction, nervousness, psychomotor agitation, tension, vomiting, abdominal pain, anorexia, decreased appetite, decreased libido, loss of libido, hyperhidrosis, and restlessness.
  8. An overdose of the drug Sertraline can include bradycardia, bundle branch block, coma, convulsions,delirium, hallucinations, hypertension, hypotension, manic reaction, pancreatitis, serotonin syndrome, stupor, and syncope.
  9. Bipolar I is characterized by one or more manic episodes, or mixed episodes. Typically, a person will experience periods of depression as well. Bipolar I disorder is marked by extreme manic episodes that often involve compulsive sexual behaviors, extreme drug and alcohol use, and irresponsible spending behaviors.
  10. My family has a strong history of depression.
  11. Sertraline, or Zoloft, is used to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
  12. I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 15.
  13. Sertraline’s common side effects are as follows: rigid muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, feeling like you might pass out, agitation, hallucinations, vomiting, diarrhea, loss of appetite, feeling unsteady, loss of coordination, headache, trouble concentrating, memory problems, weakness and fatigue, dry mouth, decreased appetite, loss of libido, difficulty orgasming, insomnia, upset stomach, constipation, and weight gain.
  14. Bipolar II is characterized by one or more major depressive episodes and at least one episode of hypomania, with possible periods of level mood between episodes. The highs in Bipolar II, are not as extreme as those in Bipolar I, and therefore Bipolar II disorder is often misdiagnosed as major depression when hypomanic episodes go unrecognized or unreported.
  15. Lexapro is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor used to treat depression.
  16. Lexapro’s listed side effects are as follows: diarrhea, drowsiness, headache, insomnia, nausea, delayed ejaculation, anorgasmia, constipation, dizziness, dyspepsia, fatigue, decreased libido, diaphoresis, and xerostomia.
  17. For people with Bipolar II, the use of antidepressants without a mood stabilizer is commonly believed to increase suicide risk.
  18. Sometimes, I get a burst of energy and will clean, reorganize, and paint rooms in my home, all in one night, because I don’t feel like sleeping. Sometimes, I don’t need to sleep much for a couple days.
  19. I have overdosed three times at 19, 20, and 22. I am 27.
  20. Lithium Carbonate is a mood stabilizer used to treat bipolar disorder. It works to stabilize the mood and reduce extremes in behavior by restoring the balance of neurotransmitters in the brain.

It Wasn’t Her

We’d eaten enough candy to make a dentist cry in despair. Amongst our feet lay the crumpled and sticky remnants of candy long since devoured, stale kernels of over-buttered popcorn, and half empty soda cans. I’m sure it reeked, but we had long since gone numb to the smell, somewhere past 1 A.M, possibly before 3. It was spring break and, for me, this was as good as it got. I’d gotten all A’s in my classes, and that combined with my not viciously attacking the phlebotomist who came to take my blood during my appointment that morning had convinced my parents to provide us with a new video game, to go with our candy coma. I had a bit of a phobia, you see. Anything sharp and aimed at me kicked off a fit, of which I never remembered a thing. Nobody knew why. All I knew was the object, aimed and ready to hurt me. But the trials of that morning no longer mattered, as we geared up for another round of Smash Brothers, chased with Sprite and pixie sticks. What mattered was that her Kirby was kicking my ass. Round over and I had lost. I tore open another pixie stick to drown my sorrows, reached over to hand her one as well.

But she didn’t move.

And she didn’t speak.

Without acknowledgment, she stood up and went to the computer, sat down, got online. I knew better, but a caffeine high and little sleep creates a vortex of poor judgement, and I couldn’t stop myself from questioning her. Bugging her. But she didn’t move, and she didn’t speak, so I gave up and turned towards the couch for a solo game. I didn’t hear the chair slide back. I didn’t see her get up. I just felt a dull and sudden pain in my side that sent me toppling forward. I closed my eyes.  My head hit the coffee table, an ancient thing of gouged wood and glass.  I struggled to plant my hands to the floor, push myself up, but the room kept turning and I had to hold on to keep from falling away. I felt something sticky on my face. Eventually she spoke, and it was her again. I could hear her if I focused hard enough. She gasped and asked what happened.

And the room kept turning

She started crying and begged me to say something.

And the room kept turning.

And then, finally, she went for help.

Eventually, the room stopped turning, but I held on anyways.