I’m Watching My Family Dissolve

I’ve never been close to my extended family. I’ve got one aunt in particular who intentionally calls me, tries to spend some time with me.

The rest, I’m generally an after thought. I don’t get invited to children’s birthdays, or out for drinks, or dinner.Sometimes it bothers me, but mostly it used to be ok because I was so close to my immediate family.

I had my sister, mom, dad, and my mammaw.

About two years ago my sister and I had a fight. Which is the simplest way to put an extremely complicated situation. And I lost her. And it felt like I couldn’t breathe for months, but eventually it eased up. Except for certain moments, moments where you’d naturally run to your sister. Like when your mammaw doesn’t remember who your dad is. And when you’re mom talks about moving out and getting an apartment. And when your dad won’t go to his appointments anymore to check on his cancer.

And now, my mammaw is gone. Her sister took her and she won’t let us talk to her, and she won’t let us see her. She’s selling her condo and getting rid of all her things. And she has dementia, and I’m afraid she’s going to die and  I won’t even know. Or that one day I’ll be able to see her again, but it’ll be too late and she won’t know me anymore.

And I’m not ok. I’m watching my family dissolve away and there’s nothing I can do about it.

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