For Lucy

For my creative writing course I’ve been challenged to write an 8 line poem using only one syllable words. If you’ve ready very much of my stuff you’ll know why this is tragic for me lol.

I tend to be multi-syllabic and long winded. Overly descriptive. But I did my best.

The prompt he gave us, before telling us what we’d be using it for, was to write a matter of fact description of an event that is impossible. I wrote mine about going to brush my teeth in the morning, hearing a strange noise, and turning to notice my pug, Lucy, floating outside, licking the bathroom window pane.

To my Lucy

Pug so high in the sky.

Held in the wind.

How did you get there?

My pug in the sky.


Up where you should not be,

A grin from ear to ear.

Your nose print on the glass

Makes me laugh.



Drama Drama Drama

Have a secret soul crushing emotion you’re just dying for mass amounts of people to ask you about, but you don’t want it to be obvious you’re digging for attention so desperately you’re about to reach China? Well, I’m here to help.
Following is a list of simple steps that any Facebook savvy drama-child can use. Guaranteed to up the number of “what’s wrong” Questions you can get from people who don’t really care, but are nosey as fuck.

Step 1) if you really want people to know how tortured your soul is, but don’t want to ruin all the fun you can have milking this for all it’s worth, first you must find a poetically written banner to share. Preferably, this banner will be along the lines of….
“I hide my emotions so people think I’m strong, even though posting this tells people I have my sad face on and defeats the whole point”
“It’s the ones who smile the biggest who are mascara drenched wrecks in private”
It doesn’t have to be these exact messages. Anything to draw people’s attention to your internal plight will do.

Step 2) post vague and depressing song lyrics. If you aren’t convinced this will peak anyone’s interest enough to get you the successful number of comments, feel free to add a sad face.
Once again, if you’re still not getting the necessary amount of attention, you can always up the ante by adding a tear.
Well fuck, at this point you may as well cry a river…

Step 3) Once you’ve exhausted the use of situational lyrics, you might have to get a little more direct. Begin posting about how awful everything is. By no means explain what is so awful, or why it happened. This lets people know for sure you want attention. Need an example?
“Why does everything always go wrong'”
“Good things never last.”
“Why :'(”

Step 4) Wow, if you’ve made it to step four without anyone paying significant attention to you, you’re in trouble. You must do this like, a lot, because your friends are past the curiosity part and are reaching this “this shit again?” Part. Quick, start making vague references to suicide.
“I’m just giving up.”
“I’m ending it all.”
IMPORTANT! Never actually say you’re going to kill yourself. This level is something you can’t come back from, and people get really pissed about it.

Step 5) so you’ve finally got someone to ask you what’s going on huh? I bet they text or called. You have high standards and would never be satisfied with a Facebook inquiry. No, you need more quality attention than that. Now that you’ve reached this goal, listen to me very carefully and repeat these words…
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Which are you?


Do you usually find yourself being one of the blue pens or the red pen?

If Office Supplies Had Mental Disorders

I get bored easily. That’s about the only explanation for this.20130131-110530.jpg



20130131-110549.jpgSo, what mental disorders does your stuff have?

We’ve All Felt It.



When Life Gives You Dare Devil Crickets

Have you ever had that feeling where you’re just like…fuck it. Fuck it all. You don’t really know what “it” is per say, but you just don’t care?

The kind of mood, like in cartoons, where you see this impossibly huge boulder rolling down the street towards you, preparing to pancake you in the most unsexy of ways, and you just go “eh” and plug your ear buds in to drown out the noise?

I don’t feel that way…

But Thor does.

20130128-090753.jpgI imagine the cricket going something like this : ” Oh fuck, oh fuck. What have I done….If I just don’t move…oh fuckfuckfuck!”


Valentine’s For the Sappiness Impaired

I am a horrible, horrible blogger, for I have not posted as much as I usually do.

I beg of you, those few who care, to forgive me, as I’ve been in a massive job hunt. I have typed my fingers to the nub, worn the nail polish off the tips of my nails, and entered my name, birthday, and address so many times that I see the letters floating hazily just out of ¬†peripheral¬†when I look away from the screen.

But it’s all good. Because I may have landed a job today.

So, to move on to more interesting matters, because seriously…who DOESN’T know someone who is desperately seeking a job right now?

So, Valentine’s Day is coming up, so I’m sure I’ll start seeing anti-valentines posts any day now. I like valentines day, and not just because I haz a person.

I’ve had valentine’s days without a person, and I liked it then too. I even liked it that time my ex-person bought me socks…even though at the time I never wore socks and certainly wouldn’t wear pink fuzzy socks.

Not sure what that was about.

BUT, I do get tired of the same old cliche valentine’s day cards, and am determined to mix things up a little. I have already chosen mine, so I shall not post it, just in case the husband randomly decides to read a post or two, but I present to you…

Valentine’s that don’t make you roll your eyes!!!



Links to purchase, if you so wish, are in all the captions. Cuz I’m considerate.

I share.



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