Avoid-It list Pt. 3

It’s been a long time since I’ve made an Avoid-It addition. This is in no way because I’ve miraculously avoided humiliating situations, and more due to general forgetfulness. I’d love to pretend that since the last post I’ve become the epitome of fucking grace and poise, but I just stood up a second ago and realized┬ámy boot is stuck to my tights.

Once more with things to avoid…

Showing an in-law a photo of your dogs on your phone, only for her to tap the screen, bringing up the camera roll of most recent shots. Namely, so many tits. Bonus points if your in-laws are conservative southern baptists.

Showing a friend a photo of a hair-do on the phone. Only for her to scroll through without saying anything. You only realize when she whistles at your husband’s dick.

Sitting cross-legged in a pair of knee high boots and tights and getting your boot zipper stuck in the vaguely crotch-area of said tights. Bonus points if you don’t realize until you stand up. Bonus Bonus points if you don’t realize until you’ve fallen out of the chair.

Going to take a drink of green tea and totally missing your mouth, spilling it down your dress which, wow, lookit how see-through that material gets when wet! Bonus points if you’re not wearing a bra.

Getting profusely ill at a gas station bathroom and having to listen to a little girl tell her mommy that she “reeeeeeally” needs to go while you try so super hard to finish vomiting.

Sitting cross-legged and not realizing your shoe is hooked in the torn hem of your skirt, standing up and basically pantsing yourself.

Trying to pick up your fork in a restaurant and inexplicably manage to shoot it across the room and onto another diner’s table.