Wake Up!

I aboslutely hate when random people walk by you while you’re at work, and decide they need to yell “wake up” at you because you happen to be yawning.

Why is this necessary? Was I nodding off during some infinitely important conversation you were directing at my direction? No?

Well, then is it because I’m driving a truck full of grade-schoolers destined to cure cancer if they could only make it to age 12? No?

Am I late for something? No?

Was it because I was actually asleep? No?

 Ok then, let me clear the air here and tell you that perhaps you should Fuck off. This is for numerous reasons and a logical conclusion to a situation in which you disrupt my work and peace of mind, whereas your command to  “wake up” is not only unfounded, but exceedingly grating on my nerves.

Secondly, you’re not original. I happen to be a girl who has night terrors on a regular basis, and mild insomnia that occurs mostly when I have to wake up at 7AM. I yawn a lot, as do most people who work full time and don’t have a maid to clean their house and cook their dinner and run their errands when they get home. Take a guess at how often someone I don’t even know thinks they’re clever and decides to pop off with “wake up” or some equally annoying/same meanning phrase.

Thirdly, if by chance my brain was in some form of non-literal sleep, and you jolt me in any way, YOU DON’T WANT ME TO WAKE UP.

Because it’s going to be to stab you.

Repeatedly.

With a chewed up #2 pencil, in all your squishy parts, of which there are probably many since the same people who think it’s clever to yell “wake up” in a quiet office setting are usually the same people who feel entitled to mock your salad while grubbing shamelessly on fried chicken, french fries, onion rings and a, in no way, single serving sized bag of chips + a large coke.

Also, you’re usually the type that need things to be drawn in thick crayon lines in order to understand. So, for your safety, I have created a useful pie chart or two  for your reference.